Aggravating Factors

Why are you drinking & creating hell every time? 

Why can't you behave normally? You have spoiled my life & kids as well.

Why you are giving false promises? Cheating all the family members.

Harita was shouting on top of her voice when her husband came home drunk. She was shouting, crying & confronting him. He simply went into his room drank more. Next day she was waiting for him to get up & answer her questions.

With a hangover he got up & was sitting restlessly, she again started posting questions. This time he irritably answered that I drink because of you & your insulting behaviour towards me etc. She was astonished, hurt & confused. She called me for an appointment.

Harita came to her first counselling session. She was not able to understand that is she really responsible for her husband’s increased drinking?  Her husband accused her many times earlier but this time it was horrifying her to consider even for a while that she might be responsible for his drinking.

I allow her to talk & educated her about the disease of addiction. We even discussed about the things she can do to come out of present situations. She was talking about her uncontrolled emotions, her impulsive behaviour, suspicious thoughts, anxiety for future, fear for uncertainty etc. How she is getting affected by her husband’s behaviour she was narrating. Her enabling behaviour was very evident.

Her behaviour was a spontaneous reaction to her husband’s intoxicated behaviour. Most of the time she uses to change her decisions about hospitalization, taking him to AA or admission in rehabilitation centre. She is even become submissive & will become depressed about the situations. There is no consistency in her reactions. No one is able to understand this; what exactly the message she is willing to give to her husband about this drinking.

Many times she has threatened him that she will file a case against him, she will give divorce or she will put him in mental asylum etc. She never did any of this till now; rather day by day her husband started using this behaviour as a reason for his drinking.

Ignoring his manipulations, giving him chances, clearing all the damages which he is creating outside for supporting his addiction, saving him form legal cases or assaults by paying money etc will definitely become aggravating factor for addiction. As all this above mention activities eats lot of time & not allow the family or patient to reach to treatment centre. Meanwhile the risk of damages increases. The tolerance level increases, physical damages become visible. Love, social reputation, fear of damages i.e. job loss, loss of academic year, payment loss, denial of problem are the main reasons for family to postpone the treatment. By wasting the time they only experience the progression of disease & damages.

Family, well wishers, friends are supposed to support recovery & not drinking. Everyone has to keep in mind that no one can be a reason for drinking but avoid being an aggravating factor also; who may directly or indirectly help an addict to continue drinking.

Sheetal